I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
