No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
