when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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