Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
