Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
