I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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