I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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