I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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