Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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