Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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