I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i've created a new STD.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
