Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I looked at my own cervix.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize