You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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