I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
