He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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