you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
