you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
