i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
