so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
