i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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