the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
