I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
