lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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