you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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