There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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