remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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