I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
