My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
