You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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