Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
