I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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