standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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