Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize