I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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