It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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