I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
accomplished twins. life is a go
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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