you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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