Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
...so i touched it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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