p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
