It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
