You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
