How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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