I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
