I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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