I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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