so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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