it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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