Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
