Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
