your room smells of hookers.
And success
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
