Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
