Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
