Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
we should paint friendship bongs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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