in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
