saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When are your genitals available?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize