You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
