thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
that's an acceptable place to lick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
