Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
