The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
