I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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