dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
