he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize