I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
