why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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