This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i think i just lost a toe
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
