so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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