U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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