im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
