My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i out mim tonsoeep
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