You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
