I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
