I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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