You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
