I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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