WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
