hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
