3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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