it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
