there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
