Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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