don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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