Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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