I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
